On Washing Your Man’s Underwear

Hand wash or machine?

Powder soap, bar soap or liquid soap?

Hot or cold water?

If you’re thinking I’m asking for instructions on how to wash your designer evening gown then, unfortunately, you are wrong. I want to know how ladies out there take upon the task of washing their men’s undies. Read it again, if you must, I said YOUR MAN’S UNDIES! You know the stuff he wears under his pants to keep himself covered and his stuff intact. By now, I am not expecting anyone to be shocked because as much as we wouldn’t want to admit it, there are ladies out there who gladly wash their man’s underwear.

Besides the method of washing the underwear, I am particularly interested in finding out how the conversation around this topic takes place. How does it start? How does a man tell or ask a woman to start washing his underpants? Does he just drop it in the laundry basket as a hint or does he tell her to wash it? And when Sisi finds it in the laundry basket, does she just take it and wash it without asking questions? What exactly is the conversation around this?

As an obviously disturbed person by this, I had to ask others about this and to them it seemed like something I made up in my head because there is no way any woman would agree to washing a man’s underwear even if the man is hers. Now comes the question of what kind of voodoo magic weed (if such exists) would you have smoked to be partaking in such an extreme sport as washing another person’s underpants? What would your mother say if she saw you holding up Andile’s underpants to check if there were any spots you missed? Would she be disgusted or is it something she also does?

But the truth is there are ladies who really don’t mind ensuring that their man’s underwear was clean by doing the job themselves, hand or machine wash. Maybe the idea is that they can do a much better job than a man in the art of washing the undies. One lady on a Facebook group whose name I will not mention said she actually enjoys doing it as it makes her feel “CLOSER” to her man.

Personally, A…NDI…ZI!! I don’t understand how a man can be incapable of keeping his own underwear clean that I would need to intervene. Call me spoiled or whatever but growing up I always saw the men in my family hanging their clean underwear and socks, that they washed themselves, after taking a bath. So the first thing my mother would ask me if I would to ever start washing people’s underwear, would be: “Kwenzenjani nje ngempela? Uxakwe yini? Uthakathwe ubani, mntanami?” my grandmother would probably call her prayer warriors for a prayer session to cleanse my spirit.

Look, I’m disgusted by even the thought of taking a family members’ clean underwear from the washing line so I don’t know how I would navigate through the process of washing someone else’s underwear. I would have to have been drinking a very strong love portion to embark on such an exercise. For me, underwear is such a personal thing. That, and the filth it comes with are very personal. It’s something you are expected to clean yourself, not rely on someone else to do it for you.

But to each his own, what works for one person wouldn’t necessarily work for another. Who knows, maybe this whole washing of underwear thing is what makes some relationships work. Washani ngane zakwethu, asinamona thina!

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