#Tshaba Re Fete – 10 Hipster Habits That Must Remain In 2015

“Ai eintlik mahippi a rata dilo wantshara?” – Old Kasi Proverb

1. Carrying Too Much Luggage
It is okay, we get it! You are hippies and your fashion sense says it all. But it seems like a lot of hippies don’t mind back aches, while the reality is that when your back is sore, your luggage doesn’t even apologize. Just leave it behind; it’s safe to do so.

2. Using Hippie Culture As An Excuse Not To Bath
Like seriously? Y’all know you love hugging people but insisting on involving other children with your reeking armpits is not cool. And you continue to call yourselves humanitarians while your scent continues to infringe on fellow humans’ rights to clean air. Do you know how many people are in danger of having bad sinuses because of your existence? Stop it!

3. Wearing Your Grandparent’s Clothes
This vintage obsession needs to be curtailed post haste. Stealing your grandparents’ clothes and calling them vintage while they search their trunks and wardrobes for their Sunday best should be a criminal offence. How would you feel if they started roaming around the streets of Braamfontein in crop tops and air maxes? No, hey; let us respect levels. Please, tshaba re fete!

4. Introducing A Little Too Much Colour In Your Wardrobe
We know we are supposedly a rainbow nation, but really? More than seven colours in one outfit is not okay. This colour concoction is a travesty and some of you don’t deserve democracy and nice things.

5. Drinking Beer Even When You Find It Nasty
We see your bitter facial expression with every sip of that Black Label beer. You know you don’t like it but you drink it anyway. Peer pressure is so 2010, why do you still hurt your taste buds to fit it? I doubt that there is a contractual agreement that stipulates everlasting loyalty to Zamalek or any other beer for that matter.

6. Being A Vegetarian In Public And A Cannibal Behind Closed Doors
Once more, someone is always watching and if greens are not your thing then stick to meat. There is no need to be hiding out late at night in order to smuggle a wors roll from Ko’spotong. Let us stay true to ourselves, tu.

7. Wearing Clothes That Don’t Fit In The Name Of Hippie Culture
Please, those clothes are big, they just don’t fit you, there’s no need to tie your waist with a string. If old school clothes are your thing, then by all means go thrift shopping. Noord is a whole world for any hippie in need of cool clothing and I’m quite sure you can find your size.

8. Forcing Dreadlocks Onto Relaxed Hair
You do know that hipsterism does not depend on dreadlocks right? It is okay to wait until your hair grows anew and natural. Believe me you, we won’t judge you. Being a hippie is a lifestyle not a hairstyle. Relax!

9. Expecting Every Hippie To Be In Possession Of A Rizzla Or Spliff
I’m tired of random folks asking me for rolling paper because of my dress code. My clothes are not made of rizzla, ne? Phola!

10. Using Insomnia To Fit In
You know that your eyelids gain heavy weight the minute the clock sits at 9pm, but you want to set an alarm for midnight to post a status about how artists and hippies struggle to sleep. It’s not okay, just sleep. No one is keeping score. Insomnia and hippie culture have nothing to do with each other. It’s not your struggle, lala jo.