Musings of A Lost Lover In Wonderland – A Dadadist Exploration

• THE WORLD IS NOT FOR LOVERS, THE ARTISTS TRY TO PAINT IT, ROMANTICS DREAM OF IT WHILE THE VOIDED CHASE FOR IT AND MAXWELL, WELL MAXWELL CARVES A SPACE OF US IN HIS “FOR LOVERS ONLY”. THE WORLD IS NOT FOR LOVERS SO WHAT DO WE DO, WHO DO WE CALL? IF WE ARE MADE OF LOVE AND MADE TO LOVE BUT CANNOT LOVE.

• FOR THE SOIL WE ARE PLANTED IN AND THE FERTILIZER THAT FEEDS US ARE NOT CONDUCIVE TO OUR GROWTH. THEN WHAT BECOMES OF US, DO WE JUST FULFIL THE ROLE OF CONSUMER AS THE VENUS FLY TRAP UNTIL WE HAVE CONSUMED ENOUGH TO DIE? ARE WE NOW JUST BODIES IN SPACE, HUNGRY NEVER GETTING FULFILLED, CONSUMING, AND CHOCKING FOR SUCCESS, CHOKED BY DECEIT, DECEIT AND PANIC…FOR “I AM LATE, I AM LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE!!

• I AM LATE, I AM LATE FOR THE TRAIN, I AM LATE FOR A MEETING WITH THE PRESIDENT, I AM LATE, I AM LATE, I AM LATE!!! RUN, RUN,… TO CATCH THE BUS! OR DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT TIME IS MONEY?

• THE SAVED IN OUR TRAINS AND BUSSES SCREAM OUT ON A DAILY “COME MY BELOVED, LET YOU BE SAVED BY THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL” A LOVER IMAGINED AND DRAPED IN NAILS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND NOT BALENCIAGA, GUCCI OR LOUIS VUITTON, A LOVER WHO HAS NO TITLE DEED, BUT A HOME FOR YOU IN THE HEAVENS. BUT WHAT IS LOVE? WHAT IS HOME? WHAT IS TRUE? ARE WE NOT ALL SPIRITS HAVING A HUMAN EXPERIENCE, IS EVEN OUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE AN ANOMALOUS TRAIL, A TRUTH THAT IS HIDDEN FROM THE MASSES? OR ARE WE THE CREATORS OF OUR OWN REALITIES, ARE WE SO POWERFUL THAT WE CAN BRING TO LIFE OUR IMAGINED FANTASIES OR ARE WE ALL JUST MAD HERE. CAN WE CALL LOVE TO US JUST IN THOUGHT AND CAN OUR THOUGHTS JUSTIFY OUR BEING. AND IF SO, WHAT OF PAIN, WHAT OF POVERTY, WHAT OF VIOLENCE, WHAT OF DEATH? IF WE HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE OUR OWN REALITY WHY DO WE CREATE PAIN, WHY DO WE FEEL PAIN, WHY DO OUR SPIRITS SUCCUMB TO THE MEANINGLESS BODY AND ITS UNCOMFORTABLE TRAITS. AND WHERE DO WE GO WHEN OUR BODIES STOP FUNCTIONING? WHERE ARE OUR LOVED ONES? AND WHAT IS REAL, WHAT IS PAIN, WHAT IS LOSS? IS THIS JUST AN AWFUL TRIP? WHAT IS TRUTH? ALL I KNOW SOMEHOW IS THAT UTHIXO UKHONA MAJITA!

• I FEEL THE PAIN, I SMOKE THE JOINT AND HURT AND MY LUNGS? DECISIONS ARE MADE AND FUTURE’S ARE FUCKED, I DRINK, I SMOKE, I LIVE A LIFE OF DEBAUCHERY, AND THEN I REMEMBER THE TEACHINGS OF THE CHURCH:

• LIHLE IZULU IKHAYA LABANCWELE, LAPHO ABANCWELE BAYO PHUMLA KHONA!

• INYANE LE? UBA SIZOPHUMLA? INYANE LE UBA KUKHONA ABANCWELE? ASIKHO MDAKA SONKE? ASIKHO MDANKA MNTASE? MHLAMBE BA KHONA? MHLAMBE ASIKHO MDAKA SONKE…

• MY REFLECTIONS AND MUSINGS ARE WILD, DRIVEN BY MY PROFOUND AVERSION TO CAPITALISM AND CONSUMERISM, SYSTEMS CREATED FOR HUMAN BUT NOT HOSPITABLE TO HUMANS. I GRAPPLE WITH THE PARADOX OF ACTIVELY ENGAGING IN CAPITALISM, BENEFITING FROM CONSUMPTION, AND, IN THE PROCESS, FEELING ENSNARED BY ITS PRINCIPLES. I FIND MYSELF YEARNING FOR THE WORLD BEFORE, ONE THAT APPEARED TO BE ORIENTED TOWARD LOVE AND FREE-SPIRITED CONNECTIONS, AND I QUESTION WHETHER THAT PERCEPTION WAS GENUINE OR MERELY A FACADE. AT TIMES, I WONDER IF I WAS BORN TOO LATE IN AN ERA INCONGRUENT WITH MY IDEALS AND WONDER IF I MIGHT HAVE THRIVED BETTER THERE IN A DIFFERENT TIME, A DIFFERENT PLACE, OR AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE ALTOGETHER? OHH ALICE, OH ME…WHAT ARE WE TO DO? ARE WE REALLY THAT LATE? DO WE STAY HERE IN THIS ‘WONDERLAND’? OH ALICE, HOW DO WE FIND OUR WAY HOME?

• I SEE IT SOMETIMES, THE WAY HOME, I HEAR IT CALLING ME SOMETIMES, THE WAY HOME, I SEE GLIMPSES OF IT IN TERESA KUTALA’S THE OWNERS OF THE EARTH VOL. 3: OWELEMA. WHERE THE THRESHOLD BETWEEN THE REAL AND THE SPIRITUAL IS SHATTERED, WHERE BEINGS ARE ALLOWED TO CROSS THE BORDERS OF SANITY INTO SCHRENTSOPHRENIC AND SURREAL LANDSCAPES FILLED WITH VARIED INTERPRETRATIONS OF WHO THEY MIGHT BE, OF WHAT THEY COULD BE. THEIR BODIES FREED FROM THE PRICE TAGS OF CAPITALISM, OF SYSTEMS OF PERFECT BODIES. THEY EAT, THEY DRINK, THEY PLAY, THEY DANCE, I LOOK AT THEM AND SING FOR THEM: LIHLE IZULU, IKHAYA LABANCWELE, LAPHO ABANGWELE BAYO PHUMLA KHONA…AS I LONG TO SIT WITH THEM.

• FOR WHAT I KNOW IS THAT THIS S NOT A WORLD FOR LOVERS, NOR IS IT MY HOME, I KNOW THERE IS A VOID, I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS IT, WHO WISHES TO FILL IT, WHO TOYS WITH THE IDEA OF FINALLY FEELING COMPLETE, OF REMEMBERING WHO I AM, OF REMEMBERING WHAT I AM MADE OF, OF FINALLY SOLVING MY EQUATION THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO TRANSCEND THE LIMITS OF SPACE AND TIME, OF MEMORIES LOST, OF TRUTHS UNTOLD, OF SPACES IMAGINED AND PLANETS INHABITTED, WHERE I WILL UNLOCK THE WAY HOME. GROOT GAT BY LADY SKOLLIE PROVIDES ME WITH HOPE AND MAYBE SOME DIRECTIONS… SHE STATES THE TRUTH IS IN THE CAVITIES OF THE EARTH, A HOME FOR EXPRESSION, WHERE “OUR IDENTITIES ARE INTACT” WHERE WE CAN FIND THE TRUTH OF WHERE WE COME FROM.

• A FIRE SHE STARTS, SO MEZMERISING THAT YOU CAN GET LOST IN IT, A TRYPTICH SHE PROVIDES LAPHO KUKHONA ABANCWELE KODWA ABA PHUMULANGA… IN THIS CAVITY, IN THE PRESENCE OF THE FIRE, BAYAPHILA! THEY DANCE AND RAISE THEIR HANDS UP, THEY EXIST IN MANY SHAPES AND FORMS, BUT ALL REMINISCENT OF EACH OTHER, BAYAPHILA! BAYAPHILA!

• AND MANYAKU MASHILO…OHH MANYAKU WHOSE WORKS REPRESENT AN OTHERWORLD, A WORLD WHERE WE COULD BE CREATORS OF OUR OWN REALITY. A WORLD WHERE WE ARE KINGS AND QUEENS, AND SHEPERDS AND ARCHITECHTS, WHERE WE MASTER THE ELEMENTS AND THRIVE IN THE COSMIC…LEFATSHE LE DITHAPELO TSA BO MMA ARE BLASTED THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE, A PLACE OF HEALING, A PLACE OF EXPLORATION, A PLACE FOR LOVERS, FOR TRUTH SEEKERS AND TRUTH TELLERS, A PLACE WHERE WE DO NOY REST BUT WHERE WE REIGN AND REVEL IN OUR OWN BEAUTY, WHERE THERE IS NO PAIN, OR VIOLENCE OR WAR OR LOSS, A WORLD WHERE WE ARE HEALED, WHERE WE ARE FULFILLED. IT IS THIS WORLD CREATED BY MANYAKU THAT REMINDS ME OF MY OWN POWER, OF MY OWN WAY, AND MAYBE FROM THE HIDDEN TRUTHS AND SECRETS UNLOCKED FROM THESE WOMEN, MAYBE I COULD FIND MY WAY, MAYBE I COULD CREATE MY HOME, A WORLD WITH FLOWERS AND LIGHT, A WORLD WHERE LITTLE GIRLS CAN BE THEIR FATHER’S MAFUNGWASHE FOREVER, WHERE THEY WOULD NOT HAVE TO LOSE THEIR INNOCENCE, WHERE THEY WOULD ALWAYS BE PROTECTED. WHERE THEY WILL LOVE ABUNDANTLY AND BE TAUGHT THE TRUTHS OF THE UNIVERSE. A SAFE PLACE FOR OUR PRINCESSES AND PRINCES, WHERE WE ARE NEVER LATE AND ALWAYS PRESENT, WHERE WE TEACH AS WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT, WHERE WE PLAY AND SING AND DANCE, WHERE WE CAN LOVE AND LOVE SOME MORE, WHERE CAN WATCH OUR CHILDREN GROW.

THE WORLD IS NOT FOR LOVERS, THIS I KNOW FOR SURE.

Fig. 1

Teresa Kutala Firmino

Fig. 2

Lady Skollie

Fig 3.

Manyaku Mashilo