As a boy I recall a slightly greying men patting my shoulders in a paternal embrace. He was my father, back from the "conference", after a few years of absence. As he pecked my forehead, his prickly moustache scraped my skin. My father had returned. However, I was naive enough to think it would be for good.

Tis the season for the cabbage lalalala lala lala...yhuu sana...tiz bad. Nini nini inkomazi, mawuthi uvula ifridge hello cabbage mawuthi uyayivala vuu tin fish...awusazi nokuthi the smell from the tin fish is the fish itself or it's your girl's punani ngoba phela this month kugezwa nge sunlight dishwasher...you bath but you still smell...kweeee...ningasifaki kuma family problems wenu somblief tog, thina we still good.

Now that we’ve found “freedom” and we have a democratically elected president, most people in the townships have toilets inside their homes. They no longer have to deal with the burden of having to go outside, especially on those cold and rainy nights. “Freedom” also meant that Black and white people can have romantic relationships without worrying about Officer Van Tonder for breaking the law. I have often wondered how Black and white people navigate their relationship.

Akakhumuli i-boxer and leave his shirt, socks and shoes on bese akudle njenge one-night stand. Stivovo does not lick your ears so much that you end up not hearing God's word. Stivovo plays with your tits usagqokile, nipple rubs are the best phela.

There are guys who just can't seem to satisfy a woman in bed. I don't know if iqininiso ukuthi experience helps or maybe abanye basuke babe over confident. Hai cha kunabantu abakhefuzela phezu kwakho njenge truck yamalahle and lesoskhathi wena awuzwa fokol. Umuntu wakhona uyakurasela asking why you not cumming.

Infidelity is a team effort and we have each other’s backs as women. "So wuwe lo owenza umngani wethu happy?" a friend will ask a guy, even if she knows that you are boyfriend number four. We will call you mkhwenyana for five years knowing full well that our friend is still waiting for Mr Right. Whatever that is…

uVusi was from eKasi. Pantsula guy, dark in complexion, tsotsi taal but once you looked down on his pants you could tell that lendoda iqukethe istshibozi esikhulu especially because he was not a fan of underwear. Oh well. She settled for him.

Unspoken expectations and ego have ruined a whole lot of relationships and addressing the same issues every single time is not ideal. Abanye bayajola, abanye bayajolelwa and abanye bayajoleka nabo. You need to choose.