When I am old

When I am old and my hair is grey
There are a few things that I don’t ever want to
Look back at and regret
Firstly, that we never held hands
And walked through the park
That we never watched the sunset
Upside down side by side
Making out images on the sky’s canvas
As crimson touched orange and yellow
When I’m old and my hair is Grey
I never want to look back and regret
How we never counted stars, named and owned a few
How we never fought to fight another day
Had let’s make up and I’m sorry texts back and forth
That kept us up all night miserable and restless
Till we forgave and were next to each other where we belonged
How we never argued about teams and point of views
When I am old and my hair is grey I never want to regret
That we never had a favourite hangout place
We called our usual
That we never had a favourite dish with our name on it
Never had a favourite song which we danced to slowly
Or bogalooed silly to
How we never had a weird wallet episode
At a restaurant, or shared one slice of cake
Cause we were that broke
Or me almost drowning in your huge jacket
You strangled in my tiny one
Choking not breathing
Just cause we had misjudged the weather
I never want to think about
How we never had times you and I
Got drenched in the rain
Decided to dance our way out
Waking up to telephone conversations
Of coughs, sneezes and whizzes
Our voices hoarse, husky and flu conditioned
Wararasei baby sounding ever so sweet
Reminding us of how we got soaked
Then made the most of it
When I am old and my hair is Grey
I don’t want to regret that
That we never had crazy and scary firsts
Like how we rode horses together
Sang karaoke like howling dogs or larks in the night
Fell on our backside trying to learn how to skate hands held
How we never got to do this
How we didn’t get to watch scary movies together
Laugh till we were teary and all cramped up through comedies
Or sat quietly through an afternoon of quietness
Just being together enough
When I am old and my hair is grey
I don’t want to regret that
We counted the cost too much
That we decided not to buy into it
The reality of it freaked us out we fed off the lies
Of old wives tales and myths that said
Good is too good to be true
Told ourselves that we were under some illusion
It was too good to be true
So we pinched ourselves and woke up
Threw in the towel without a fight Content to go through life with the weight of
A could have been and unfinished business type of shadow
A constant question mark
When I am old and my hair is grey
I don’t ever want to regret how
I made caution my best friend
Taught myself to deny the truth of how I felt
Watched as you shoved hands into pockets
When hands yearned for mine where they belonged
Mine being aware of this finding their way into my hair
Playing finger brush backs when all along
All they want the most is to find their home in yours
Allowed pride to train me the art of withdrawing
Lift up my right hand in a wave
When a hug would communicate clearer
Allowed fear to dictate what we could and could not get
How we both chose to ignore the message Between the lines
Decided we wanted to be off the hook
If all it required was honesty, work and commitment
Love according to us
Came easy and was supposed to be clear cut, no struggle
When I am old and my hair is grey
There are a few things that I don’t ever
Want to look back on and regret
That I gave excuses and reasons for so many things
Why I couldn’t and wouldn’t follow my heart
Because today all those excuses
Are revealed in true light
Plain hogwash and drivel
I won’t want to look at myself in the mirror
And face the music that
I was a coward, a coward who lived
Day to day enshackled, on a line by line Script fear typed and edited
Choreographed by pride and false beliefs So today
Today if you won’t hold my hand
I will stretch mine strong and hard and grab
Grab your hand in mine
Walk through the park with you
As crimson touches Orange and yellow
And day whispers goodbye and till tomorrow
Nestle my head on your shoulder
Point out grotesque images of clouds at Sunset
Count as many stars as I can
Name a few after you and me
Own that very one that follows us everywhere
Fight passionately and full force
One by one tick those items off my list
So that when I let you go, if I let you go
When I am old and my hair is grey
I will have no regrets
What could have been?
IF onlies and unfinished business
Or stuff I never did
Cause when it was brightest and the Sun shone
Time and chance came my way
I took a chance and did it all....