Today, things have changed. There is a definite element of greed in most communities and some use lobola as a get rich quick scheme. It is suggested that Tau paid R200,000 for his former lady’s hand in marriage, and some years ago it was rumoured that Kaizer Chiefs goalkeeper, Itumeleng Khune, was asked to fork out a million rand for his then lady friend, Minnie Dlamini.

Complete denial. (Often as a defense mechanism when the word privilege is brought up) People completely deny the existence of one of the most important societal structures today. Acknowledging that privilege exists is the stepping stone to tackling and dismantling the concept.

Writing on this as a cis-gendered-heterosexual black woman is a rather daunting task. I had to meditate on whether I am in a position to seriously contribute to this discourse. I’ve imagined it cannot be my position to occupy when I could never have an all-encompassing understanding of the lived experiences of black queer folks.

The risk about marriage is that it involves human beings, and with human beings change is inevitable and its direction unpredictable.