From the onset, the soul listener is introduced to a situation fraught with peril in Lenny Williams’ seminal number, Cause I Love You. Williams supposes that because he loves a certain woman, he will love her no matter what she he does. Although the song has a happy ending, the central character’s reliance on another individual for his personal happiness is deeply unhealthy. But that’s one for another day.
What is revealing however is that in his hour of need after being spurned by his lover, he concedes that “sometimes you get lonely, you get lonely, you get lonely”. Later on he says, oh, oh, oh and I cry, I cry oh, oh, oh.”
Loneliness is not to be trifled with. It can affect work and relationships because no matter how well other aspects of your life are going, being single will overwhelm the good and any achievements that you may have. The melodrama and the tears in Williams’ voice are testament to this. Embedded in a lonely state is a deep introspection which usually culminates in the individual questioning their self-worth. Why nobody is willing to share their lives with them. Endless nights are spent at home alone masturbating while relationships around them flourish.
Perhaps due to the artistic limitations of the day, Williams didn’t have occasion to explain in detail what transpired between him and his woman, he merely confides in a friend that he is “having problems” with the woman that he loves. But the result is catastrophic wherein the crying ensues. There is also a correlation between the tears and the loneliness that comes with singlehood. Williams’ character is simultaneously heartbroken and lonely at the same time. He finds remedy in meeting a new woman after feeling like he would roll himself up in a “big ol' ball and die”. That loneliness will get you. Trying to balance the pain of love lost with the looming loneliness and pending thirst can be an arduous proposition. Hence the endless telephone calls and showing up at her house with no reply. It’s not just a broken heart that needs healing, but break ups also lead to a loss of sex, affection and the constant touch from another human being.
It Gets Lonely (A testimony)
I have been single for about six months now. I miss him. His face, the taste of his lips still lingers but has begun to fade with time. We started talking again after four months of silence after the break up. For what reason, I am not sure. Perhaps it could be that we spent the last three years together and we have not found new partners that meet the high standards of our relationship. But none the less the chats, the hour long phone calls and sexting is not enough. He has since relocated to another city and is perhaps lonely. But my problem is that I can hear his voice but he is not here next to me, I can see his face, his smile, but I cannot reach into my laptop to touch him, I cannot fall asleep in his arms, lay my head on his chest, let my lips and his meet as we softly run our fingers through each other’s warm bodies. I am not sure if I miss him, or if I am just thirsty.
I remember the nights our bodies came together like magnets on metal, when we danced with our bodies laid down in bed, when our breaths sang a similar paced song and our lips uttered each other’s names and we confessed our love for each other. After the break up, my bed only carried his side of the bed and my sheets wore his cologne. Every morning I would wake up to his weakening scent and pray it never dies out. I waited for his scent to totally fade before I washed the bedding.
I feel so alone without his touch. I have always been self-sufficient and I have known that I don’t need a man to keep me happy. And I don’t need sexual intercourse to keep sane either. But why this sudden and unbearable yearning? Was it that good? Are these high levels of horniness and the tswai messing with my head?
Who am I fooling? The truth is that getting laid has become a necessity, it’s like paying rent. You need to pay rent to keep a roof over your head and you need to get laid to keen sane. Vitamin D is just as necessary as a, b and c.
I am not one for casual sex, so there was no quick fix to the situation. As a result I found myself in a room packed with nudity and the most shocking objects ever. I was there to find a DIY tool for my predicament. Within seconds of entering the adult store, I could feel the eyes of the cashier on my neck, judging me. I blocked her out of my mind and picked out a dildo and finger ring that promised to produce pleasure. When I parted with a few hundred rand, I prayed a small prayer of hope; I prayed I would get my money’s value from the toys I had just purchased. I grabbed the plastic from the judgmental cashier and shoved it into my handbag, pulled out my shades and walked out solemnly. The minute I got home I unpacked my promised joys and read the instructions. This was followed by a nice hot bubble bath and thought about my life, my thirst and the decision I had just made. Indeed the toys delivered on their mandate for the first few days. Accelerated heartbeat, quivering limbs, insane vibrations and all the pleasures associated with orgasm were there. But after a month of daily use, the pleasure like the memory of sex with ex began to fade. The orgasms were less intense. They were basic.
I really needed to get laid.
One evening I almost got on a bus to the city where my ex was living. Luckily I called him before hand and heard the voice of another woman in the background. I was crushed, felt betrayed, like he had cheated on me. I thought we were in this thirst thing together. Perhaps we would get back together. But he had not cheated on me, we were essentially long distance virtual fuck buddies. Later I sent him a text ending our sexting and video chat marathons and ceased contact altogether.
It has not been easy, but I have since taken it easy on the sex toys and have found that keeping busy has taken my mind off sex and my heartbreak. The loneliness has subsided and I have begun dating again. And I think I may have found a suitable long term boyfriend, just in time for winter.