Scripted – Scenes from South African Theatre: Daddies of Sugar

Daddies of Sugar Opening

1.

Amandla - (awethu!)
Matla - (Arona!)
Awethu – (Amandla!)
Mayibuye - (iAfrica!)
I-Africa - (Mayibuye!)
Long live “umzabalazo” Long live - (Long live!)
Long live “black governance” long live - (Long live!)
One settler - one bullet!
One bullet – one settler!

Comrades it saddens me that we have to greet each other with the slogans of struggles, when we, as the khongolose khommanding Khomissars, have long left a life of struggle! However, protocol is protocol and as esteemed Qabanes, we must observe it! Phambili nge political nostalgia Phambili (phambili) Viva uzodla imali yabantu Viva! (Viva!) . Now cadres, I am aware that you all could have been somewhere in Dubai or Thailand with a slay queen living your best life! I am aware that there is a table at Cubana with young girls and your name on it, and the hubbly is ready to replace the cigar. Comrades, I know that you and your family could be on a 5 star holiday paid for by the national coffers, kodwa you have all sacrificed, those pleasures that we live for so that you can honour Luthuli house with your presence! For those grand sacrifices, I thank you cadres! What are we here for? Simple! To address the media! Osomandaba! Boraditaba. Makers of news, Izinja zama headlines, the free press as it. We are accused of being a silent administration- and today, we are here to become a vocal one … Thuma Thina. Thula nina! Welcome all members of the media to the revolutionary house! As your program director, I must tell you that we have no interest in taking any questions so please “ protect us from yourself” we fear of course that should it be that we engage in any critical discourse we may of course reveal some of our “Smallanyana Shelotans” and we are not keen Having an honest interaction. Only three speakers on the agenda today, off to spending imali yabantu. Speaker number one is known as number one! Thuma mina is currently being Thula yena , number one has returned to his number position and has been tasted today with delivering “the welcome address” members of the members of the media, we give to you, Inkunzi Emnyama (song). {Zuma must go song}.

2.

Honourable media persons, as predicted, you do not disappoint. I am seeing here on the online streets that you have already gone live with the news of today’s gatherings. There are already dippings and videos of number one’s speech and we are trending under the hash tag #manga manga conference. I see here that @ Revolution- underscore –fighter has posted about how we say the same things and we never deliver! I also see @umuntuNgumuntuNgabantu posting that the Mangamanga conference has begun with its festival of lies! Do you think that we are a bharis who do not know about the digitals online streets? Do we look like we are not tech savvy… We have made a high tech tender tinder that allows us to match blessers with potential blessees! We also have a struggle song detection app for corruption called Shuscus! We are within! We have jammed signals before and we will not be hesitant to do it again! Now let me bring on the member who deals directly with the “hang hand hang” of the socials. So as you know we have been leaked online as an organization from Gupta leaks to imagine this in your mouth! Now imagine this in your DM.

3.

What is a world for sex? A Saxon world!
What is a capture of state? A state capture!
You say by Bhari, when Bhari says by to… Bribery!
Cadres, we are Comrades of zaka!
Members, we are commissars of Nyuku!
Leaders, we are Qabanes of Chankura!
Qhawes, we are Revolutionaries of moola!
Mtshanas, we are chiefs of isaka!
Money is not the enemy khongolose - poverty is squandered!
We are the ravashers of this thing called budget! Siyitya goet!
So far, all those who have been asking themselves about when it is that we will stop eating, I want to introduce you to our leader of INTERACTION! He who handles the manies of Abantu. That make us Abantu ebantwini! Honourable cadre- Habashwe!

*To purchase a copy of Khongolose Khommanding Khomissars email Nandi at info@ubdopeshishini.co.za

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