The Art of Cheating

The rule of thumb should be, never uzwise icheri ubuhlungu. Uyabazi abocheri wena? Eh baba, we can cheat on you ungasimbambi. Once we find out that you are cheating, cheating back becomes the remedy needed to balance the equation.

Infidelity is a team effort and we have each other’s backs as women. "So wuwe lo owenza umngani wethu happy?" a friend will ask a guy, even if she knows that you are boyfriend number four. We will call you mkhwenyana for five years knowing full well that our friend is still waiting for Mr Right. Whatever that is…

Then there is Mbali. Khohlwa. uMbali umapakisha, yellow bone, killer smile, small waist, big ndunu, ehhhhh!!! Yonke into is well proportioned. You'd swear that God was not so busy the day bekamubumba. Uyababa and she knows.

uMbali akanaskhathi samadoda a broke nama sperms awo ngoba it was obvious to her that amasperms abo abalekela indlala nawo. She wants guap. You have guap, ujola nawe. She has five boyfriends. All of whom are her mains. Bekaziwa nakubo ukuthi hai ugirl lo uyafeba strong. She is unemployed, but every time aphuma kubo bamphathisa ama lamb chops wase Woolies. Ngisho nomamakhe ube beja ngaye kumchaina makubhejiwa isifebe. Ai ugirl mabathi serope mperekele bekayi perfect example.

Right. So now there was this old guy she was dating who was the head of the tribe of her boyfriends. Lobaba bekashadile. Now because uMbali bekathanda ukuvuka ngokudla okuthe caca wamvakashela this one time. The guy told his wife that his niece was coming to visit for a few weeks. Ai vele umfazi was so welcoming ngoba bekazitshela ukuthi umshana wakhe uyeza and she must treat her right as she is her in-law. Eh uyadlala wena. Bekuthi lomama makaphumile ayespanini laba bebasala endlini bafeshana embhedeni wakhe. Bake babanjwa? Lutho. I-precious stone phela leli esikhuluma ngalo.

Mbali bekasuka ku headman ekuseni amtshele ukuthi she's not feeling well...badlane then she'd go catch a taxi to go and see deputy main. Endlelrni she'd meet a guy who is a snack ahambe ayomfesha bese yena that guy amkhaphe ku number three. Makafika ku namba three, ini, ugirl ushaya icold bath bese athi cinnamon ne coke embumbuzeni ukuthi ithi ukubuya nyana bese adlane no main number three. Three different sizes of amapipi in one day! End of the day, maybe wenze boma 8-10 k. Smart ne? Kikiki...

Haike this one time, she had to go to a funeral and all five of the main guys were there, worse one of them came with her friend who was her side nigga and uvuke naye that morning. She was even scared to stay emngcwabeni. Wadla amathambo engcondo ugirl, then she texted the first three guys that she didn’t want to lose the same message, 'Baby ngikwakho don’t tell your buddies cause I am mapunapuna'... all three of them had to make excuses about their sudden departure because they didn’t wanna look bad ngokuthi bashiya umngcwabo for ikhekhe…the last two, wabiza one of them to a secluded spot, wamtshela ukuthi her brother is also at the funeral and that he is strict, so he must just act cool…then texted the other guy wamtshela ukuthi hei phela she's also at the funeral with her brother so he must just act cool around them because he's strict and doesn't want to accept that she's old and has a boyfriend. Ah obviously the guys met and greeted each other njengama grootman. Laba abaye ezindlini zabo balinda mlibe and she just made some dumb excuse that she felt sick and left. Imagine. Ugirl had keys to the houses of all her men! Skhokhoristo...

Khohlwa. HIV and other STI wani ngoba ufeba kanje she uses protection and luckily for her, akuna dabuka condoms nje ku-life yakhe. Lomuntu would date a group of friends as her side niggas makayo jaiva and she knew which one was the worst in bed and sorry for you she sleeps peacefully at night with a fat bank account. Her life, her rules. She was not obsessed ngepipi, no, but she was obsessed with inyuku and since she was blessed with a hole in between her perfect thighs, she used it. Azange awe, yekani umona. Instead, she had her own properties, businesses and cars from imali yamadoda athanda izinto! And guess what...abanye she saves them as mkhulu, papa, malume on her phone just so that whoever she is rocking hard that day never answers her phone. Phela ayidlali i-family yakhe, istrict and you just can't answer her phone.

Mthukeni ke nina bo judge Judy… akanandaba. U-rich! Ubufebe buyamsebenzela and impilo yakhe. Usathane is alive and unekuku!

Comments