Quarantine Blues

Hello inmates! Yaz this lockdown is a clear indication that most of us will not survive a day in prison! Especially without phones bruh. Vele, I am comparing it to prison. Turns out this year sinyiswa u-letter C kuphela. Cyril, Corona, China no Cele. KuThafu yaz, mawuthi uba nenkani bakwenzisa ama-frog jump. Ai, this year really feels like an unprepared speech se Afrikaans. Bheka, ama-main chick njengathi kanje sivuka kamnamdi lately. Sivuka ubaby ane-hard on everyday ngoba hei asiyijwayelanga lempilo. Angithi he has no other hole except ours as his sperm dish. Yes. You heard me. Mara kudala ngasho yaz, this tendency of spoiling a man rotten and building him a house is not on. You do know that builders never live in the houses they've built akere? Now why build a house for someone who hasn't even made you The Lord of the Rings by giving you an engagement ring at least? You even tested positive for Saltvid-19. Guard your life sisi.

Ei mara at least siphumulile abathakathi ne staff sase Broom Airways. Phela lento ye lockdown applies to them as well, meaning also no more midnight habits such as broom-flying. Akufani yaz. Umuntu sekayakwazi nokuvuka ngo-3am aphahle akhulume nabantu abadala without hearing weird noises outside umsindo wama wizard awa ngemishanyelo. Usathi uhleli emzini wabantu on a random day minding your own business then you see dark entities. Uzobalekelaphi!? Haha. Lento yokuphahla you must do it every day though, ucele kubantu abadala futhi ubonge. Keep asking for what you need every day, uphahle ngempepho, ikhandlela ne snuif akere. Ai ezokugabha nokufutha is on another level. Apparently you must use a chicken's feather uyifake emlonyeni so that umuthi or whatever ogabha ngayo izophuma easy. Lalela, don't turn your back kubantu abadala and call your ancestors demons because of the western culture that says dead people are demons and you must not listen to them. Ukuhlonipha abantu abadala does not mean you have turned your back against God. No. Shisa impepho and thandaza. Lula. Believe in God but know that as an African amadlozi ayahlonishwa. Kakhulu futhi. Camagu.

Moving on, mara guys, imagine awukaze wabona ngisho ne-airport le bese uzobulawa i-disease yase oorkant? No maan. Akukho fair. Bheka, those that are privileged and monied are the ones who went away akere ngemali yabo bayakuma holide or business trips while the rest of us are busy hustling and chasing paper? Why ke kumele kufe abantu abazihluphekelayo ngenxa yabo? Hai maan. Khona manje street vendors are not allowed to sell. Phezu kwalokho bekumele ubhadala to get tested. Mawuya ku-public hospital you were turned away cause your symptoms were considered mild according to odokotela. Few weeks later, they are severe then ICU, bese umngcwabo. Ne-cancer le mayitholwe early uyayinqoba. I-Corona why kumele ugulele ukufa to get help? Hai maan izwe lethu. If that's not enough; BOOM 5G Towers. Ku-bad.

Kodwa there's one thing this lockdown has taught me about relationships. And that is just because you are someone's girlfriend, that doesn't necessarily mean that he is your boyfriend. Same way mawujola une-boyfriend, it does not mean uyayithanda. Basically, if uyashelwa, qoma. Men need to understand that their opinion of us means jack these days, cause honestly even if umuntu uziphethe kahle they will still treat her like trash and cheat on her.So shwafana. This gender suffers from Peter Pan Syndrome struu, waya ngabo uzohlanya. Most women don't even confront their man anymore when they know that they are cheating on them, they just make him a transporter yesichitho, as a girl kubuhlungu kabi ukuzitshela ukuthi uyi-main girlfriend kanti kunomunye u-main osebenze indoda yakho and you end up being the one that is destroyed whilst dating another woman's man. A man can be used as a transporter ye sicitho especially if he is cheating, be careful that you are not the one destroyed kuchithwe wena whilst dating another woman's man. Most guys cheat wena, you'd swear they were studying for their Phd in being fuck-boys. I am almost certain they even majored in assholeism...

Anyway, no tshwala or smokes kule lockdown that might even be extended. Sizophumula ukubona this black paint they splash on your heads when they cut your hair! Why vele? They even trim it baba! Oh well, Happy 21 days Mzansians Mzansans...even if this lockdown might be extended, protect your peace and sanity. Why deploy soldiers for 60 days if the lockdown is only 21 days? Or suziya ku-shutdown!? Oh well. Till next time, gubay!

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