Loving While Black – Mzansi’s Definitive Guide to Sex & Relationships

We always complain that men don't get us, and abasiphathi ngendlela ekumele basiphathe ngayo. Basifesha makufuna bona,thina masifuna ukufeshiwa, incanca yabo ilele. Men, on the other hand, say that women are the most complicated creatures.

But ke, perfect relationships are built, not found. If wena ucabanga ukuthi uzothola uSipho sekayi fine art, khohlwa. USipho unoMbali wakhe owamenza i-masterpiece. Wena thatha umuntu wakho uzilungisele yena. Be it by giving him the best tlof tlof, or by spoiling your partner rotten, kwazi wena. Okusalayo ayikho indoda ene futhi akekho umfazi ozomthola sekavuthiwe. Pheka umuntu wakho haibo.

Unspoken expectations and ego have ruined a whole lot of relationships and addressing the same issues every single time is not ideal. Abanye bayajola, abanye bayajolelwa and abanye bayajoleka nabo. You need to choose. Do you distance yourself and give up or do you come to your girl Sasa-Nice for the best relationship and sex advice live from Pimville, Soweto?

Quick Guide

  1. Avoid having sex with Sipho and Vusi in the same menstrual cycle. You will assume you have premenstrual syndrome or period pains, Kanti ama-sperms wabo abambene ngama-washing.
  2. If you plan to cheat on your partner, wear your old clothes especially if you will be taking pictures with your side bae. This way, mabakubamba uzothi izithombe zakudala. Be a cheater with style.
  3. Mabakujolela, jola nawe. Support your lover in everything they do. Could be with chess, or any board game. Get your mind out of the gutter. Senicabanga ukudlana ngiyazi.
  4. Men, choose wisely! Sex or soccer? Rather have them both - AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!! How, that's up to you. Flexibility is a must! Ngeke uncishe umfazi i-tlof tlof afe nge- cerebos ngenxa nje yebhola.
  5. You will never know how many main chicks your man has. Angaba nama cheri ayi-3 up until abanjwe and then that's when he chooses. If wena ujola nomuntu womuntu, just know your place, settle in or make moves!
  6. If you are dating a man with kids, iba unyoko. Angithi khethile khethile? Their biological mother must automatically become a family friend. Umndeni owakho.
  7. Abafana basile mara. Why nina bafana nisidla nge schedule? Shouldn't sex be spontaneous? Umuntu makathi come through you already know that you'll be banged. Stop asking a woman to come through for a movie when it is actually a schedule for sex. Rather tell her to come for your own porn movie, and she will be the main character, 'yang'thola?
  8. Sign language is important. Ladies, if he snores, bamba amandeski uzothula same time. Keep pushing your ass towards his face, let him smell your beautiful female scent, ngeke akuncishe istshipozi.
  9. Be a good lover, if not, that pet name will change to a +27 number uswabe.
  10. Indoda ingakushiya noma ungavula ikhekhe lakho ngathi uvula igwinya. Do not break your spine. If he loves you, he will show you. If not, distance yourself.
  11. Y'all waste too much money on clothes shame. The best moments of life are enjoyed ngama punapuna. Rather invest all that money ku-data ufunde ama-sex style amasha.
  12. If you cheat, please buya nento entsha oyifundile emjoleni. Umuntu akujolele mara dololo ukubuya nezitayela ezintsha. Bekasayaphi?
  13. If she tricks you with make-up, pretend you have money. Asile amantombazane yaz.
  14. If she wants a baby and you don't, makenze i-woman on top. Makamitha, that's an own goal. Uzimithisile.
  15. Lastly, niyeke lento yokuzenza happy after i-break up. Mawu pain-elwa uya pain-elwa. Get a guy akukhiphe for lunch. Take a pic of everything except him.
  16. *Write to Sasa-Nice at info@culture-review.co.za

Comments