Kwasuka lokho. Uthi ubheka ngapha xenophobia. Uthi ubalekisa ilihlo ngale women abuse. Ok. Talking about how many women are killed by their partners and people who are supposed to be loving, protecting and supportive is a bit pointless. Yes, inkinga enkulu angali. But the real question is, what are we doing to prevent these men from ukusiqeda la eMzansi?
Nangu uRosemary noTumza. Rosemary is a beautiful woman who can be with any guy she wants. Yena ke wazikhethela uTumza because he seemed like a good guy, full of jokes, always surrounded by women ngisho nakubo akuna muntu wesilisa. Ungubhuti, ubaba, indodane and ungumalume. Abashana abantu besifazane.
Tumza used to go to every gender based violence march with Rosemary always shouting, "STOP WOMEN ABUSE." On the palm of his hands, he wrote: Abuse is not love! He had a genuine smile, well so it seemed.
But sadly, behind closed doors, behind Facebook posts, behind every march, bekangusgora esivithiza umuntu athandana naye. The women he dated were broken inside. He was able to make you fall deeply in love with him, lure you into a relationship with him, spoil you, said the right things and did all the right things. Ithi ashintshe. Uzovubhodloza ngezibhakela, ulahlekelwe abangani bakho because they were just not right for you and you did not need them. He was all you needed, and if you couldn't see it you would face his fury.
Rosemary knew that this was not the life she wanted and like every abused woman, bekazi ukuthi this was not love. It was a toxic relationship, but because toxic relationships are addictive, she stayed, hoping that one day, just one day, izoshintsha lendoda.
He'd come home and beg her to have sex with him. She'd keep on saying no until she gives in. He'd sleep with her and not notice izinyembezi ezigcwele emehlweni kaRosemary.
One day, after a hectic fight, it all ended. For him, for her. He ended it all. She was pregnant with his child but he couldn't care less. He stabbed her to death. Then hung himself.
Uthini ke ngo Sizwe? That one, was just as bad. He was an ordinary guy, had a good job and a family man. He hated violence. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He joked a lot, and found himself in a group of people who hated abantu abaphuma kwamanye amazwe. The hate speech was there, bephikisana day in and day out ngokuthi foreigners are ruining their beloved country. He saw no harm, as he was not physically fighting nabo.
One day, he was with his colleagues Rhulani and Gift. They were walking to buy themselves lunch in the middle of a busy street in the Jo’burg CBD. Suddenly there was a riot. "Mabahambe! Bayanya! Bathatha amacherrie wethu. Bathengisa ama-drugs lezinja!" Bekukubi. Amadoda adonselwa estradeni. Avithizwa. Ashisiwa. Bahamba bayobukela oThyme nabo bememeza,"Mabahambe!"
Kuthe lapho enye indoda ebilimele igcwele igazi iza kubo ikhala ithi ibalekele kulelizwe for greener pastures and put food on the table for his new-born child, uSizwe pushed him back to the angry crowd so they could finish him off. Yalinyazwa ke leyo ndoda yaze yafa.
It is so sad that the men that always had morals seem to forget all their values in a split second. Brotherhood? What brotherhood when the same brother who came to your country for a better life is killed and you are rejoicing? Violence has never been the answer.
Umhlukumeza kanjani umuntu owathi uyamthanda? Uzizwa unamandla when she cries? When she is scared of you? When women say that men are trash they are reminded of their sons and their fathers. How many more souls must we lose because of men that have no love for themselves, their lovers, their brothers and their country?
Phew! Kunzima. I stand here looking at this bin next to me and all the rubbish inside. I have a son. I was raised by a king who taught me what love is. I have a boyfriend. How can they be named trash? They have never hurt me be it with words or ngezibhakela. What difference am I going to make to ensure indodana ayihlukumezi umuntu wesifazane uma isikhulile? What is the solution to all these xenophobic attacks? To women abuse?
Do we bring back the death penalty? Amarapist enziwani? Do we cut izitshiboza zama rapist and feed them to the dogs that they seem to be acting like? Xenophobia yona? Kwenziwani? Do we really have to be murderers mara? Kufa nabantu abangenacala. What if the same people who we are beating up seek revenge and hurt our children?
Haibo. Brikani net daar. Kumele ibe khona enye indlela bahlali. Asithandaneni, sihlanganeni sibemunye! Le eyokuchitha igazi nokushisa amabhilidi is a no no. Ngeke phela. Ihlazo leli.